no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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