My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
