I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
