He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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