Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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