My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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