i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Randomize
