it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
