So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
