I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
