PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
