I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
