I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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