the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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