I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
