it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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