I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
