She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
