bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
