When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
