Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
