dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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