You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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