there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
A bitchslap is in order.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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