bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
