Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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