i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
