I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So many bounce houses so little time
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
