I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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