At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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