Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
