I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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