i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
