I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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