You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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