Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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