so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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