i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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