fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
