I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so let's talk penis.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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