The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
