do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
