the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
