girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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