: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
NoShamevember. You game?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
