It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
