At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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