Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
His nipple licking is glorious
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