I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
