Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Please don't give away my fajitas
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
