Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
