He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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