Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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