I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
PS: I just woke up from my shower
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
