I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
