Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
