i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
