its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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