If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
