i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
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