i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Two words: nipple clamps
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