OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
