i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
