I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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