i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
