No awkward lesbian experiences without me
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
