Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
