so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
